I will not eat another bowl of spaghetti bolognase in... well, at least WEEKS. Nor shall I go cheek to jowel with a pizza (unless it's an Aussie), because WE WUZ ROBBED out of World Cup glory by a jumped up little upstart that had no place on the football field - the umpire.
I'd just put another pot of sauerkraut on the boil and was about to tap a fresh keg of Heinekin to ready myself for a penalty shoot out when the unthinkable happened... the Mexican house maid, Concheeta, unplugged the plasma to run the vacuum over the rubble of my hotel room.
By the time I'd placed a well struck volley to the side of her head and wrestled the cord back into the socket it was all over... the cheating swines we like to call 'white maggots' in AFL had given the Italian 'diving' team a free shot at goal with only 30 seconds left on the clock. It was a cruel blow made worse by a further blow to the rear of my skull as Concheeta bought the vacuum pipe down with a vengance.
As I thrashed about the room trying to shake her from my back and bemoaning the bastardisation of the world umpiring fraternity, I reflected on what a fickle game the world sport is. Quite frankly you I-tie nancy boys, if we'd had Harry Kewell on the track yesterday, you'd all be back home with your Mamas right now coping a damn good thrashing from the frenzied Italian press corp.
Yes, if it wasn't for Harry's gout-ridden crotch and corrupt officialdom, we'd be looking set to ride rough shod over the happless Ukranians and marching on to World Cup glory.
I've decided to stay on in the hotel and cut my losses over a week of Wimbledon action - when did Italy ever produce a world class tennis player? Probably never as you're all too busy falling over and grabbing your hairy white shins.
As I tuck into my strawberries and cream I'll be keeping an eye on you Italians and the umpires - hope you all get gout in the gonads!
2 comments:
Hi
I agree with everything you have said in your blog. Australia has been robbed actually no they have been held hostage by the referee and the only way to live is to hope that Mark Schwarzer saves against Totti. He didn't but we all know who the real winners are. Go the Socceroos you have made me inmensilly proud to be an Aussie I'm looking forward to 2010 South Africa where we shal shake the world again and cover the country in Green and Gold.
AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE!!!!!!
I don't think Italy deserved to win like that. The Socceroos were playing so well and it should have gone to the extra 15 minutes or penalty shoot-outs. Had Italy won a goal during the match then I could've dealt with, but winning in an underseving manner like that was so unfair to the Socceroos. It would have been so great if they had qualified for the quarter-finals but despite it, the Socceroos have played amazingly despite getting the shitty deal with the refs and I believe they will continue to do well in 2010.
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