Super glue? Yeah right!

I'm a bit shagged today to be honest. What with all those mountain stages of the Tour De Doping over the past few nights, a man has his limits. If you see me heading towards the edge of a steep cliff with a deep valley below, be sure to throw some Powerade in my fatigued face, or at least grab me by the sissy bar.

Good job I don't actually ride a bike. Unless it's some kind of holiday thing to keep the kids happy, or I'm at Rottnest where the bastard bike is the only form of land transport.

But I digress. What I wanted to talk about was what is probably the world's most over-hyped, but completely useless product - super glue.

Over many years I've kept a miniscule tube of this crap in my 'handyman's kit' --- Grandad's old Gladstone fishing bag --- and pulled it out on occasion to fix the unfixable. Success rate? Zero per cent.

Today I tried bonding two bits of smooth, clean plastic together --- standard fare --- and I even clamped it together for 10 minutes. Nothing. Could have achieved a better result with Clag and there wouldn't be any chance of glueing my hand to my penis when I went for a mid-job leak.

The stuff appears to be bloody fantastic when it comes to bonding human body parts, but have a crack with wood, plastic, metal, ceramics (think cracked bong many, many years ago... man) and it is the proverbial tits on a bull.

Okay, maybe I'm doing it all wrong, but if that was the case I think I'd be in care, with a bib around my neck to catch the drool. Maybe I should be. But can ANYONE out there share any stories of success with super glue? Please!

I recall the ads where some construction worker dork is suspended from the ground by his helmet (on his head... keep it nice!) which is superglued to a rafter. Quite a line in bullshit I'm thinking. I'd like to see the company CEO try the same trick at about 800 metres.

Your thoughts?