The farmers are in the House

The farmers are loose in Parliament House and Brendon Grylls has the keys to the liquor cabinet.

It's time to call in the national guard - don't worry about those indo shark fin snatchers up north, we've got rural types drunk on power and it's gonna take a flotilla of patrol boats to reign them in.

From paddock to parliament, these boys have already started whooping it up and it's getting ugly. Snorting coke off hookers' backsides in the public gallery, body shots on the Speaker's Table, guzzling straight Bundy from filthy Blundstones... god help us if someone sends in the hallucinogens.

Seat sniffing and bra snapping is an entree for this mob. The blood is rising faster than the vomit slick on the member's toilet floor and there is a call for a sacrafice... It's come to this already. Carps is running, Buswell is curled up in the foetal position, McGowan is wearing a floral blouse... 'kill the pig, kill the pig!!!'

Time to flee...

Fantasy Island

While the conservative elements pour scorn on the development of the Perth waterfront, it would seem that the likes of Troy 'Sniffer' Buswell are prepared to consider the construction of a whacking great island off the coast at Rous Head in North Fremantle.

The $10 billion project which would bring a touch of Dubai to the West Coast has been snubbed outright by Carps, but some factions among the Libs reckon it's worth a look.

Now I know The Perth Files has been banging on of late about how Perth City needs to connect to the river, but I'm not suggesting that we uproot the CBD and plonk it down mid-stream! That stretch of coastline at North Freo has already undergone its fair share of jiggery-poke to meet the needs of the Port and residential development and any further incursion into the sea poses the risk of forever damaging some of our best metropolitan beaches.

Does anyone else remember that only a couple of years ago a trip to Leighton meant keeping an eye out for large chunks of concrete and limestone debris being hurled at you in the dumping shore break?

Yeah, well it's all good now, but start dicking about with the shape of the coastline once again and who knows what sort of shore we'll end up with... not that the cashed-up elite sipping G&Ts on their island decking hogging the views of Rottnest will give a toss.

I do believe the outcome we've seen in Mandurah is a case in point - very nice for those that do, but 'thanks for coming, but don't let the door at the fish 'n' chip shop hit you on the arse on your way home'.

First things first - let's get some sensible development happening on the Perth waterfront and then maybe we can take a look at Gilligan's Island. And it's worth remembering that our kids will be researching retirement village options long before the first concrete slab on a proposal like this is even poured.