Friday, July 25, 2008

Super glue? Yeah right!

I'm a bit shagged today to be honest. What with all those mountain stages of the Tour De Doping over the past few nights, a man has his limits. If you see me heading towards the edge of a steep cliff with a deep valley below, be sure to throw some Powerade in my fatigued face, or at least grab me by the sissy bar.

Good job I don't actually ride a bike. Unless it's some kind of holiday thing to keep the kids happy, or I'm at Rottnest where the bastard bike is the only form of land transport.

But I digress. What I wanted to talk about was what is probably the world's most over-hyped, but completely useless product - super glue.

Over many years I've kept a miniscule tube of this crap in my 'handyman's kit' --- Grandad's old Gladstone fishing bag --- and pulled it out on occasion to fix the unfixable. Success rate? Zero per cent.

Today I tried bonding two bits of smooth, clean plastic together --- standard fare --- and I even clamped it together for 10 minutes. Nothing. Could have achieved a better result with Clag and there wouldn't be any chance of glueing my hand to my penis when I went for a mid-job leak.

The stuff appears to be bloody fantastic when it comes to bonding human body parts, but have a crack with wood, plastic, metal, ceramics (think cracked bong many, many years ago... man) and it is the proverbial tits on a bull.

Okay, maybe I'm doing it all wrong, but if that was the case I think I'd be in care, with a bib around my neck to catch the drool. Maybe I should be. But can ANYONE out there share any stories of success with super glue? Please!

I recall the ads where some construction worker dork is suspended from the ground by his helmet (on his head... keep it nice!) which is superglued to a rafter. Quite a line in bullshit I'm thinking. I'd like to see the company CEO try the same trick at about 800 metres.

Your thoughts?


Ozymandias said...

Super glue? Fantastic stuff! Way back in the days before Occupational Health and Safety regulations, when I was working as a junior casual at K-Mart in Morley, one of the enterprising young managers sent me up a ladder to fix one of the fluro light fittings, right at the peak of the ceiling. It looks a lot higher when you're up there. He gave me a tube of the trusty stuff, guaranteed to fix anything, and sent me on my way. I balanced at the top and reached up, tube in hand, to squirt superglue into a crack in the plastic. I gave the tube a gentle squeeze, but it was obviously working against gravity, so I had to squeeze harder. Eventually I had to squeeze so hard that the bottom end of the tube split open, and a big gob of the almond-smelling goop dropped straight onto my eyelid. Ad my squint was cured!

2BarRiff said...

The ol' Tarzan's grip or Araldyte is the best stuff. I've heard Aeroflot used to use it to keep the fuselages together for over 30 years.

Cookster said...

Jeezus Ozy! What happened to your eye - rest of the story please.