A really silly photo

Proof that a few glasses of bubbly will make simple things seem so much more amazing than they actually are.

For example, I thought that taking a photo of myself as reflected in the surface of a stainless steel teapot would make for an amazing image - it certainly kept me amused for a good half hour!

The result of course was a blurry, rather silly attempt at capturing something that wouldn't even keep a six-year-old amused for more than a fleeting second. But of course, I just had to share it with you lot.

Gangland eradication scheme on track for Games

Well, it looks like the Gangland Figure Eradication Scheme put in place to tidy up Melbourne's streets in time for the Commonwealth Games is working well, with 'Braaaaten's' shiftiest resident, Mario Condello, biting the big one yesterday.

During the time I lived in Melbourne there were so many gangland killings that you had to be careful not to trip over a body as you sauntered down Lygon Street in search of a coffee fix.

Now, killing is a bad thing and I'm not making light of this situation - well, possibly I am - but these blokes really are like a bad episode of The Sopranos - a show that I'm told is a fave in Aussie gangster circles. Indeed, these guys are like an episode of The Sopranos directed by Ron Howard back when he was still playing second fiddle to The Fonz.

Good job we don't have any real gangsters here in Perth, but let's hope the wanna-be villains don't try and cash in on the act. Beware of black suits weilding pony tails!!!

Scaredy cat image: The Duality of Cats, courtesy of Melbourne artist Daniel Truscott.

Shark spotting

Those pesky little sharkies continue to bob up all over the place - this time in the middle of a long distance swimming race in Sidernee.

Reports from the Daily Dorsal newspaper indicate that the shark was heard to mutter, "By Christ, this is better than a Miss Maud's smorgasboard," as he launched into the fray.

Big marketing opportunity here for our buddies with the lacerated elbows to flog a few shark pods (see previous post).

http://au.news.yahoo.com/060206/19/xu2p.html

Perth at night

Drving back home from my mum's place last night along the South Perth foreshore, it struck me just how picture perfect the Perth skyline is at night... a little bereft of buildings, but impressive in its own small scale way nonetheless.

It was one of those typical Perth summer evenings, spent eating snapper and chips in the back garden and swinging back and forth in the 'love seat', an eternal glass of bubbly in hand. Ahhh, the smell of hot chips intermingling with the heady scent of Aeroguard roll-on and citronella candles - you just can't beat it.

Here's a photo, courtesy of www.westcoastphotography.com

God drops a disco bickie...

Hair, Jesus Christ Superstar, Godspell, Bazza McKenzie Rides Again and now... God Drops a Disco Bickie and Goes Madchester!

Thanks to my mate Harf for bringing the following hot news to my attention - the sort of hot news that only us late-30s, still wanna be hip but no longer go further than dropping a few Quick-Eze, types could find exciting.

What I'd like to see is a bit of The Pixies 'Wave of Mutilation' tied in, or better still, Monkey Gone to Heaven:

'...and if the devil is six, then God is seven...' Ahhhh, bless. Heaven knows I'm showing my age now.

Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now
By Jonathan Petre (Filed: 27/01/2006)

Forget J S Bach: the BBC has come up with an alternative Passion this Easter in which pop performers will dramatise the last hours of the life of Christ with the misery-laden lyrics of bands from Oasis to The Smiths.
The corporation is to stage an hour-long "contemporary retelling" of the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus on Good Friday, with the streets of Manchester standing in for Jerusalem. It will be broadcast live on BBC 3.
But it will risk incurring the wrath of traditionalists, who already believe that the BBC has dumbed down its religious output, by mingling pop culture with words from the New Testament story.
The event will be accompanied by an orchestral score incorporating songs by a number of bands produced by the city over the past 30 years, some of whose members are better known for their excessive lifestyles than religious devotion.
Among the songs are Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now by The Smiths, and the hit Wonderwall by the band Oasis.
The BBC is recruiting pop performers from groups such as the Stone Roses and Happy Mondays to play Jesus, the disciples, the Virgin Mary and Pontius Pilate.
Bez, a former tamborine-bashing member of the Happy Mondays and a winner of Celebrity Big Brother, is expected to be one of the disciples, but the BBC said that it was too early to announce other names.
The drama, called the Manchester Passion, will begin with the performers playing Jesus and the disciples, dressed in contemporary clothes, at the Last Supper, sitting on a wall in a Manchester street.
Much of the action is expected to take place near Manchester's gay and red light area close to Canal Street as the group "process" towards Albert Square in the city centre.
During the Last Supper, the character playing Jesus will sing Joy Division's Love Will Tear Us Apart.
Meanwhile, the Judas figure, knowing he is about to betray Jesus, sings the downbeat anthem by The Smiths, Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now.
In the Garden of Gesthemene, which will take place in a Manchester park, Jesus sings Sit Down by James as he prays alone, and then duets with Judas - Blue Monday by New Order - as he is arrested by performers dressed as police officers.
As the group converges on Albert Square in the centre of the city, a separate crowd of people carrying a 25ft-long, white cross will arrive from the other side of the city.
The trial of Jesus by Pontius Pilate will be accompanied by the singing of Wonderwall by Oasis, the chorus of which goes:
"I said maybe You're gonna be the one who saves me? And after all You're my wonderwall."
The Virgin Mary will express her emotions at the foot of the cross in the song Search For the Hero by M People, which featured in a recent car advertisement.
At the climax of the programme, the resurrected Christ will appear on the roof of Manchester town hall and, if the draft script is followed, will belt out a reprise of Wonderwall.
The event may dismay some Christians, but it has gained the broad support of the Church of England and the Roman Catholic Church in the area.
Canon Robin Gamble, the Canon Evangelist at Manchester cathedral, said that people who were easily offended were trying to "wrap God in cotton wool".
The canon said: "God is a big boy. He can take care of himself.
"This is contemporary, it's urban, it's relevant, it's on the street. I support it 100 per cent."
Gillian Oliver, a spokesman for the Manchester diocese, said that the Church would be encouraging Christians to participate.
"We are working with the BBC on this and are very pleased to be taking the good news of the gospel on to the streets of Manchester,'' she said.
''If anything, something like this can translate the old story into new terms."
The score for the Manchester Passion, which has been produced by the corporation's classical music television department, has been composed by Philip Sheppard, the professor of cello at the Royal Academy of Music, who has collaborated with the likes of the pop stars Oasis and David Bowie.
Mr Sheppard sad that it was in the tradition of the York Mystery Plays, where popular culture was incorporated into the Biblical drama.
"Bach, Mozart and Stravinsky all worked what could be called the popular music of the day into their compositions," he said.
"I have, however, stripped out the guitars and drums. It will be played by a strong orchestra."

The Yarraville Four

Well, this is certainly no prize winning photo, but at least it affords some element of anonimity to the subjects herein and I couldn't make a whistle-stop tour of Melbourne without posting something on the blog!

This pic featuring (L-R) Ben (a young Kevin Bacon), Edgar (blinding us with his high Kochie forehead), Martina and Jacqui, was taken after a rollicking good night at The Blarney Stone in Yarraville.

The suburb has changed somewhat since I made the move to the South African side of the Nullabor, most notably there are at least a dozen pairs of shoes strung over the wires across the main street - from high heels to sneakers. We think it's got something to do with the Yarraville Festival this weekend - they're an arty bunch that mob. Disappointed that I won't be there for the big fiesta, chowing down on my usual 200 Greek doughnuts. If anyone knows where I can get my hands on some of these tasty little morsels in Perth, let me know, I'll pay handsomely!

LK, Shelley and Jacinta - thanks for breakfast and good luck with those textiles. Sorry I couldn't help with ideas, but it was 5.00 am Perth time and I only had one latte under my belt by that stage...

Perth artist vying for $50,000 art award

Left: Dream of the Fisherman's Wife - David Laity, 2005.

Good news on the Perth art front, with Freo-based painter Rachael Coad making the list of finalists vying for the 2006 Metro 5 Art Award valued at a whopping $50,000.

Yes indeedy, the winner of the Judges' Prize takes away $40,000, while the People's Choice category is worth a cool $10,000. It's worth more than The Archibald and it's only open to artists aged 35 and under.

In my four years doing PR for the gallery not one West Aussie cracked a finals guernsey, so it's great to see a Sandgroper finally in the running.

And even better news for Rachael's chances, one of the members on this year's judging panel is fomer Perth artist - made for the blade - Emma Langridge (you may have bought a book from her at Elizabeth's circa 2001).

The winner is announced in February, with paintings by the finalists on show very soon. Go Rach!

Metro 5 Gallery is located in High Street, Armadale, Melbourne and is quite seriously one of the best places to view quality contemporary Australian art anywhere in this country.

Check out the artists on their books: Jason Benjamin, Tim Storrier, John Olsen, Tanya Hoddinott, Mina Young, Anthony Lister, Emma Langridge, Yvette Swan, Zhong Chen, Yvonne Audette, David Laity and Locu Locu. I'd recommend that you check out their work on the website.

Be careful though when viewing the Laity images - the painting above - a rendition of a 19th-Century woodcut by the Japanese artist Hokusai - attracted bomb threats when displayed in the gallery's street window. But as we say, all publicity is good publicity and a woman having oral sex with an Occie is bound to attract some attention.

Another brick in the wall

"And they said to one another, 'go to, let us make brick'. And they had brick for stone, and slime they had for mortar". Genesis, 11:3. The earliest written record of brick production.

Just thought I'd give you a bit of brick news to kick the weekend along...

Storm clouds a brewin'

After a few days of prickly hot and humid weather, the sky above Perth opened up last night and the sweet, cool rain came tumbling down in buckets.

I sat out on the back verandah watching the water cascade down in front of me like a raging waterfall and the outside down pipe from the gutter proved to be the perfect outdoor shower.

There's nothing like going to sleep to the sound of fat, heavy rain drops pounding out a steady beat on a tin roof...

Whale vomit lands family a fortune

Next time you're walking along the beach looking for pretty shells, make sure you keep an eye out for whale spew... I'm not kidding, as the ABC story below outlines, the stuff is as rare as... well, whale spew! And, it's worth a whopping $US20 a gram.

It's the cocaine of the sea world my friends. 'Hey man, you wanna score some primo whale vomit? Pure Minke Gold my friend...' Of course, the sharks of this world would be cutting it with a bit of blowfish puke, or a smidgen of salmon sick. The old lament rings out, 'You just can't buy pure whale chuck like the old days...'

It's been reported that some unscrupulous dealers are kidnapping whales and sticking their fingers down the back of their throats to force a vomit out. To date, not many people have survived the practice, but I'm sure if anyone can the Japanese will. Sorry my Japanese-based readers, but harpooning whales off Antarctica under the guise of research is quite frankly enough to make me sick.

So, how do you recognise the good stuff? Authorities tell me there is one vital ingredient essential to all puke whether it be whale, human, or whatever - the ubiquitous diced carrott - it's everywhere.

Happy puke hunting!

Whale spew find may net $1m for family

A family on South Australia's west coast has discovered a rare specimen of whale vomit on the beach that is tipped to be worth over $1 million.
The specimen, known scientifically as ambergris, is sought after by perfume companies and worth about $US20 per gram.
The sample found on a beach near Streaky Bay weighs 14.75 kilograms.
Ken Jury, who is representing the family, says this is the first discovery of ambergris in South Australia.
He says the last specimen found in Australia was in Queensland.
"Two small pieces were found that I would suggest together would make up half the size of the one that's been found at Streaky Bay, and they realised something like $190,000 each," he said.

Leif Garrett on drug charge

It's over people.

Chuck those Trax skateboards with the Super Juice wheels in the bin and say goodbye to the simple, long haired, flair wearing days of the seventies.

One of its idols (star of the 1978 hit film 'Skateboard'), Leif Garrett, has been banged up for fare evasion and posession of heroin. He's balding, bashed, bearded and altogether burned-out.

I found this great pic of the Leifster while browsing through the weird and wonderful world of Jack Lords' blog site - Leif, Eric and Jack all in one post, talk about a blast from the past!

http://nitrousburnout.blogspot.com/

All hail the Purple Premier!

Rejoice one and all because the new Premier of our beloved State of Western Australia, Alan Carpenter, is a dyed in the purple wool Fremantle Dockers supporter.

See the almighty glow emanating from Subiaco Oval upon announcement of the new incumbent last week!

This means that we now have someone to give Macca's brother a run for his money in the Number One Ticket Holder category.

Word is, he still wants to retain his seat in the outer, but only if he's allowed. A nice thought, but we don't want to expose him to any Collingwood supporters - especially those smart and wealthy enough to arrange their own interstate travel!

And, just as our State has a new Premier in office, so shall we have a new Premier in the football world - the planets have aligned, the purple moon of Uranus has cast its shadow over Jupiter and all is good in the world.

Coincidentally, in recent times my extended family has expanded by one and the newcomer is indeed a blood relative of Sean 'Wounded Knee' McManus. Need I say more...

White pointer frenzy goes on...

It seems there are more sharks around WA now than you can poke a stick at (possibly a speargun with a large detonator attached?).

Yes, while three great whites were scaring the living bejeezus out of the Margaret River folk - someone's obviously just pulled in a big harvest of hydro - I spotted two white tipped reef sharks doing laps around my very own bathtub. Got the kids out in the nick of time, but not before I lost two rubber ducks in the process...

The only answer for all this shark madness is that there must be some sort of conference being hosted over here - it would explain why the vast majority of our finned friends spotted of late have been wearing poorly fitted leisure suits and cheap sunglasses. If they had feet, no doubt they'd be wearing white shoes as well.

On the serious side, haven't sharks always been around?

I remember on a trip to Esperance seeing two Tiger sharks in a feeding frenzy while two Danish tourists flapped about in the water right next to them shouting out, 'look at the dolphins!'. When we advised them of their minor mix up, they were out of the water so fast that they actually swam half way up the beach into the sand dunes.

The very next day I was sitting on the main beach and saw the most enormous dorsal fin rise out of the water in front of me, cruise along for 5 - 10 metres and then slowly sink back under the surface. I decided to swim in the hotel pool for the remainder of my holiday...

Got a shark story to share?

Rat snake to wed hampster

From Japan: Proof that almost anything is possible in this world, a Japanese rat snake and a hampster that was thrown into his cage as a live meal have become bosom buddy cell mates, acording to BBC NEWS.

I've always thought of snakes as being rather cold, single mined, nasty little buggers to tell you the truth - see something move, lick lips with scary little forked tongue, lash out and bite, poison and/or crush it and swallow whole.

So, what in God's name happened that this particular snake on spying a moveable feast - the triple cheeseburger of snake meals - suddenly decided, 'nah, bugger it, I think I like this little fella.' It's a bit like a White Pointer swimming up to you and playing 'Flipper' - rolling on its back for a little tummy tickle and a scratch on the snout.

Let me know if you have any ideas...

Snake 'befriends' snack hamster

Aochan, the snake 'seems to enjoy' being with Gohan, the hamsterA rodent-eating snake and a hamster have developed an unusual bond at a zoo in the Japanese capital, Tokyo.
Their relationship began in October last year, when zookeepers presented the hamster to the snake as a meal.
The rat snake, however, refused to eat the rodent. The two now share a cage, and the hamster sometimes falls asleep sitting on top of his natural foe.
"I have never seen anything like it," a zookeeper at the Mutsugoro Okoku zoo told the Associated Press News agency.
The hamster was initially offered to Aochan, the two-year-old rat snake, because it was refusing to eat frozen mice, the Associated Press news agency reports.
As a joke, the zookeeper said they named the hamster Gohan - the Japanese word for meal.
"I don't think there's any danger. Aochan seems to enjoy Gohan's company very much," zookeeper Kazuya Yamamoto told the Associated Press news agency.
The apparent friendship between the snake and hamster is one of many reported bonds spanning the divide between predator and prey.

An extraordinary rendition

US military speak has risen to new heights of absurdity: 'extraordinary rendition' - kidnapping a prisoner and secretly flying them to another country where they are tortured. Many media outlets refer to the practice as 'outsourcing torture'.

What I can't understand is how they came up with that name? Was Condaleeza Rice-a-Riso watching a Checkhov play one night and happened to overhear someone say, 'Oh, that was an extraordinary rendition of Uncle Vanya'. So she got to thinking, 'Wow, that's a great term for abducting prisoners and torturing them overseas - I'll run it by Dubbya in the morning'... WTF???

Better get off the subject before I come under friendly fire...

Sunsets over suburbia

Leederville Sunset

I've been experimenting with my i-mate jam phone camera of late to see what sort of images I can capture - especially in the late afternoon.

Like Jeremy at Antipixel Blog, Western Australian sunsets are something that draw me in every time, especially when there's a bit of cloud mixed in to 'bloody' the mix of light.

This is an image I captured recently and I sorta like the fuzz and distortion that comes with using a 1.3 mp device that is primarily designed for communication purposes... but then again, a picture is worth a thousand words they say.

Cyclone Daryl closes in

The second cyclone of the year is set to shake the palm trees and rattle tin roofs up in the Kimberly region as Daryl slowly puffs out his chest and gathers intensity.

Is it just me, or is two cyclones in the same region within a month a slightly odd phenomena? And why is it so bloody humid in Perth these days? The weather's almost as bad as Sydney and come to think of it, so's the freeway peak hour traffic!

Back to Daryl, now what sort of name is that? All I can think of is Daryl Sommers bearing down on the coast and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

I recall the great man touting for the tourism industry up that way with the slogan, 'you'll never ever know, if you never ever go'. Has a certain harsh irony to it now doesn't it...

Sharks are everywhere!

'Sharks are all around us, sharks are everywhere... I know it's really silly, I know it's not quite true, but you surely will get eaten, if you swim at Mullaloo...'

Where were we? Ah, SHARKS!!! Yes, Perth and indeed much of Australia, is in shark sighting frenzy right now. Indeed, just yesterday a six metre "monster" was spotted lurking off Mullaloo Beach with evil intent in his beady little eyes. No doubt he was hoping to snare himself a stray bogan or two wading into the ocean with a full stubby of VB in fist and a tasty mullett flapping out behind in the sea breeze.

I think it's time we all gave ourselves a collective slap on the face and settled down a bit - we're scaring the bejeezus out of the kids, ala the great Jaws debacle of the 1970s. I can tell you that after watching that movie as a 13-year-old, paddling out at Scabs on the old Len Dibben pin tail was never the same again - robbed of my carefree surfing youth I was.

When the Dibben fell out of the boot of Dad's Commodore and snapped in two on West Coast Highway, I was secretly pleased... until I got the 6'3' Cordingly Pin Tail for Christmas that is. Straight back into the maw!

You see, post-Jaws, life at the beach for me was sullied forever more. The final straw was probably one day when I went surfing (for those who know me, it was a long time ago!) off Cottesloe Beach (see Ken Crew) and decided that instead of going to shore with my mate, "I'll just catch one last wave in..." If it was a scene in a movie, you know what was coming next. Sure enough, out of the black, weedy water in rapidly fading light, up bobbed a big black shape right next to me... thank Christ it was a seal. I didn't need that next wave to get me into shore and I haven't done much surfing for that matter either.

But despite the fear that's been instilled into my generation, let's not have our kids in a blind panic every time a piece of seaweed brushes their leg. Let's take a firm grip on our Len Dibbens and give the polaroids a good wipe before we start shouting 'hammerhead at 50 metres!'

The Australian Blog Awards

The race is on to see who will win in the Australian Blog Awards.

In the WA category my money is on Blandwagon and best overseas/Australian blog has Antipixel a mile ahead.

Antipixel is a site developed by my old uni cohort Jeremy Hedley, who swapped the vagaries of student hippiedom for a life in the fast lane in downtown Tokyo. If you hear strange tales about people doing even stranger things on the cliffs in North Fremantle, odds on it was us.

I urge you to visit both sites and do your bit by voting quickly and voting often... oh, and next year can someone nominate me! ; -)

I have a dream...

Fear ye not followers of the purple, green, red and white, for I have had a dream - a grand vision that will surely culminate in the Fremantle Football Club making this year's Grand Final.

In the dream I found myself perched high in the Great Southern Stand at the MCG as the ball was being delivered 'centimetre perfect' into our forward line - Peake if I'm not mistaken.

Streaking out on the lead is none other than the great man himself, Mathew Pavlich. He marks just outside the 50, lines up the bick sticks, walks in and, BANG, right through the high-diddle-diddle.

Yes indeed, the wrath of Pavlich shall be brought down with an almighty fury in season 2006 and I can't wait for it to begin!