Monday, January 16, 2006

Shark attack or publicity stunt?

Call me a cynical old bastard or a conspiracy theorist extraordinaire, but there is something very fishy about the latest 'shark attack' that took place a couple of miles off City Beach yesterday...

I'm watching the news last night and there's this bloke who was mauled by a 3.5 metre white pointer and came away with minor lacerations to his ELBOW. Apparently he poked the shark in the snotter with his spear gun - like trying to harpoon a whale with a toothpick - then swam away and hid on the ocean floor while it circled around him disappearing in and out of the gloom. How do you hide from a shark, aren't they almost blind anyway?

Bleeding and cowering in a hole in the reef, all seemed lost until his diving buddy turned up wearing an electronic shark deterrent that immediately caused the big white pointer to bugger off in search of easier prey.

Fair enough, but our fearless diver's closing words in last night's interview when asked if he'd ever dive again were, "yes, but not without wearing my Shark Pod". I'm surprised they didn't throw up some details on stockists and a run a 1800 number across the bottom of the screen.

If I was being REALLY cynical, I'd say there was a bit of an accident out at sea (elbow slashed by a broken stubbie, a stray gaff, gang hooks, etc) and our diver's mate - who I believe has a vested interest in Shark Pods - saw a little light bulb flicker above his head.

However, I'm probably totally off the mark and way out of line here.

It could very well be that this bloke - who looks a little James Garner don't you think? - did get attacked by a massive man eating shark, miraculously suffered only a minor elbow laceration in the encounter, managed to hide in a reef and was saved by an anti-shark device. You'd be buying a lotto ticket on the strength of that one...

And on that note, some words of wisdom for us all:

Zen Wisdom

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.


Anonymous said...

Johnboy, you've got to know that sales of Shark Pods have gone through the roof since this one hit the news.... But it's great to see that "all trials with the shark pod indicate that there is no irritation to the dolphins and they will play only inches from the electrodes...." No doubt they work in the same way as kryptonite... Anyway I recommend to pick one up for yourself xx JC2

Anonymous said...

Interesting theories Johnboy, however what i think we need to see more of on your blog is discussions about the weather. perhaps a daily forecast?

Cookster said...

You want weather? I got plenty to say about weather - see the post before the sharkie story...

But just to keep you happy:
Fine. A sunny day. Continuing fine through Tuesday and Wednesday with a humid change expected on Wednesday. Fine and hot conditions are forecast for Thursday.

Tuesday : Fine. Min: 20 Max: 33
Wednesday : Fine, humid. Min: 19 Max: 29
Thursday : Fine. Min: 21 Max: 33

Fine. Max temps: Low 30s dropping to high 20s.

Sorry it's not Melbourne weather...

markus said...

maybe you're right... i like how they always use "mauled" in shark attack descriptions... i think it was really just a few scrapes to the elbow. great blog!

Cookster said...

Thanks Markus, your blog's pretty damn good too. I always like a guy with an unhealthy preoccupation in large creatures that eat people! ;-) So much so, I've added you as a link on my site - feel free to use my post on your own site as you see fit.

There are more shark tales (excuse the pun) to come soon...

Diets Dont Work said...

It is so refreshing to read someone who is at least as cynical as me.

'Great white?', I said watching the news, 'my arse. More like coral reef.'