Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Ben Cousins - 'piss' poor verdict

It's moments like these that make you wonder if Perth isn't populated by aliens who have a fondness for fit young blokes in yellow and blue jumpers, chardonnay, four wheel drives and the odd line or three of Bolivian marching powder.

In fining Ben Cousins the grand sum of $900, plus costs, Magistrate Peter Malone has reduced this incident to nothing more than a joke - he couldn't even help himself from bleating on about what a huge fan of the Eagles he is and how "uncomfortable" he'd feel in sentencing his idol. The defence counsel, Mambo-jambo or whatever his name was, had to console him - that's okay judgey, everyone loves our Benny.

Christ, why didn't he just get out the cheque book, pay the fine himself, then take young Benny out for a slap up feed and a night at the strippers? Perchance the opportunity might even arise to relieve themselves by the Canning Hwy motorcade...

So what was the excuse that warrented such a lenient penalty?

"Oh, ummm Ben thought the media would get on his back even if he didn't blow over the limit... what? That sounds like a lame and stupid excuse?" Gee, I can see it now, can't you? BEN COUSINS BLOWS UNDER 0.05 IN BOOZE BUS SHAME... doesn't do it for me.

"Ummm, another excuse? Oh yeah! He really needed to do a wee, so he abandoned his car in the middle of the road, ran off and wissed, then just decided to keep on running".

Possibly he was weeing and running at the same time as he was chased by the police? I don't know about anyone else, but when I have a leak I always get the urge to run away and leave my friends stranded in my car in the middle of a major highway.

I'm sorry, but if Ben Cousins is that paranoid about media scrutiny and/or has a strange wee-and-run fetish, then he needs professional help. Either that, or once again he's flaunted the law and escaped with nothing more than a bit of lost pocket change and a captaincy that the Toasters have already mooted will be his again in 2007 anyway.

How do you reckon Jeff Farmer would have fared if he'd been in the dock facing these charges?



Anonymous said...

I look forward to a similar story about how football identities get light treatment in this town when Heath Black's case is heard.

Anonymous said...

Ben Cousins is hot.

Anonymous said...

It's a Travisgaspar of justice.

Does anyone dare name the 3 AFL players outed for drug use??

Cookster said...

I think I know, but I'd rather not say - one is quite obvious I'd have thought...

Anonymous said...

"Go play your hand you big-talkin' man"

In the interests of your journalistic oath (to be a complete louse with no ethics) you should name the 3 players.

What are their Numbers?

Cookster said...

Kapoofinator - where did that nick come from by the way? - I no longer subscribe to the journalism code of ethics, as I've gone over into PR - so I will give their numbers:

1, 2 and 3.

My sources say one Eagle, one Docker and one Port player.

Don't know about the Port player, but the other two have had problems in the past... however, it's all hearsay until the fat man sings.

Blandwagon said...

I suppose $900 for abandoning your car in the middle of a busy highway is reasonable - it's only because Cousins is wealthy that it appears to be small change.

I was appalled at the judge's comments, however. I would have thought that judicial ethics would require him to step aside from the case, given that he's a member of the club that Cousins captained. But apparently not.

The worst aspect of the case is the pious whining that surrounds it in Cousins' defence. Face it, people; he may be an accomplished footballer, but he is not an admirable human being. The citizens of Perth need to recognise that and act accordingly.

Anonymous said...

No shit Cookie 1, 2 & 3.

Warren Tredrea 1
Josh Carr 2 and
Chris Judd 3

I knew that Tredrea and Judd were far too straight acting to be for real!

What a scandal .....eh bro!

Anonymous said...

I was just wondring if anyone knows the name of the case or a link to the case that has been labeled as very similar to Bens incident.. it has been in some articles and i was wondering for a project im doing if anyone knows of it! thanks