Thursday, February 01, 2007

God hates fags & so does Donnie

Only in America... whether this is a piss take or a true piece of US-based fundamentalist insanity is hard to work out. But there is no doubt that however you look at it, the new single by 'Love God's Way' titled 'The Bible Says' is pushing the envelope.

It features a catchy chorus with the line, 'God hates fags'.

Quite possibly the finest moment in that clip is when he belts out the line 'God hates fags', then he does a little aside to the camera and with a big shit eatin' grin says, 'and if you're a fag, he hates you too...' Cheerful little chap isn't he?

The bizarre thing is that it seems the clip is all about a bunch of gay guys who are praying together to resist the temptation to follow their natural sexual urges. However, while not being qualified as a spokesperson for the gay community, I can't imagine anyone wanting to get within three mid-western country miles of his back door.

So anyways, I decided I'd send the singer Donnie Davies a little email seeking his divine assistance - can't wait for the response!

Dear Donnie

It was by chance that a colleague of mine emailed me your wonderful song 'God Hates Fags' and led me to your website.

I've got to ask, is that you singing? Has anyone ever mentioned that you look a lot like a young Bruce Springsteen mixed with a bit of Billy Joel? Of course they didn't have the moustache, but I think it gives you a much stronger, more masculine look. Bruce and Billy certainly never entertained gentlemen friends, that's for sure!

But Donnie - and that's a lovely name by the way - I do have a problem. When I watched that video and you turned to the camera and said, '...and if you're a fag, God hates you too', I knew you were talking to me. I just knew it. I cried and cried till there weren't no more tears left to cry. I had to lock myself in the office toilet for an hour blowing my nose in a roll of toilet tissue.

You see, I now have unnatural thoughts about having man love with you. I actually WANT your sex even though you hate me. I have in the past had relationships with other men and yes, I have tasted the demon seed, but that was a long time ago. My back door was firmly closed to the male member the moment I embraced christianity.

But then I see you in that clip and thoughts of undressing you, running my fingers through your hairy chest and feeling your moustache carresing my bare nipples have entirely consumed me. I'm sorry for being so graphic, but it's all I can think about. You are sooo SEXY.

I know that just like God does, you must hate me, but I can't help it. Donnie, please help me to reject these wicked thoughts and to embrace Jesus as my personal saviour.

Until then I will be tormented with thoughts of what you must look like in tight swimming trunks and lycra bike pants. Please help me, don't hate me.

Check out Donnie's personal website:


Anonymous said...

That was a great fucking letter, the one to Donnie.

Anonymous said...

You'll only encourage him with praise like that, anonymous. Grab some taste, fuckwit.

That letter was about as witless and obvious as Cookie's writing always is. An utterly predictable cheap shot set-up from a lame 4th rate journo caught between political correctness and his fondly nurtured self-image as some sort of hip cat.

You know, your writing might improve a little - although, it must be acknowledged that the ceiling of potential is rather low - if you just stop posing, resist the easy potshot at obvious targets, try to curb your arrogance and judgmentalism and temper your righteousness, take the time to THINK before you pull the trigger and and write honest stuff within your limitations.

News broadcast (now there's some tired terminology you'll relate to): donning a leftist identikit will keep you stranded in your boring little land of cliche and predictability. Get rid of it.

News broadcast item #2: Accept money from MacDonalds to spread their propaganda, even to your tiny blog audience, and you ain't NEVER gonna be hip - you're not even going to have any cred as a leftist journo, despite your neat little identikit you keep dipping into in the absence of applying any genuine THOUGHT to your crap.

PS: I simply couldn't be fucked trying any further to elicit some genuine engagement in sensible discourse from you on the Junk Food thread. I started, but that was weeks ago. Maybe I'll get back to it if I'm extremely bored and have a spare 20 mins, but frankly, there's not much point when the level of argument you resort to is to repeat the word "bullshit" amid personal (and inaccurate) assumptions about your adversaries and dull insult. Insult, by all means, but try to find a bit of wit from somewhere, and at least attempt to speak - just a little - to the opposition's argument. "Bullshit" just doesn't do it.

Hey, there's your cue to respond to this post. All together then, Cookie - you, yourself and you: B-U-L-L-S... I'm sure you can continue from there.

Cookster said...

DOTS, thanks for your kind words and for being such an important member of my tiny reading audience.

It's great to know that people are coming back so frequently to read my posts and then taking the time to pen their thoughts.

And please, YOU'RE the hip - or should it be hep - cat in this relationship remember! You da man on the street, keepin' it real, playing it straight.

Too right about picking easy targets as well. That Donnie character's simply trying to eek out a living hating gays and we should respect him for it. Truth be known, he's probably not like that at all - probably donned a bit of a right wing identikit to cleverly lampoon gay hating, fundamentalist middle America.

Lord knows, I wish I was as clever as Donnie.

Thank you for the tips on how to write as well, although from what you say, it might be time for me to look for alternative employment - guess I could always get a job behind the counter at Maccas.

I'd also like to thank you for cleverly identifying that my leftist ideology isn't real - what a burden lifted from my soul! Sweet joy that I can now embrace the goodness of John Howard, Dubbya, Andrew Bolt and the like. I can listen to talkback radio and watch tabloid TV, nodding my head in loyal approval.

Good on you again DOTS and if you ever work up the nerve to identify yourself and let me in on your thoughts and opinions - as opposed to simply helping me to be a better person - that'd be great.

Or do we know each other already perhaps?

Finally, I must say you do write quite a lot of bullshit... sorry, but you do.

Anonymous said...

You want to pull yourself together DOTS. Not to death, fuckwit.

Anonymous said...

You've missed my point, Cookie, you poor old cock. Never mind. I guess your world is always gonna be black and white - ie: you're right and anyone who doesn't 100% share your view is wrong.

Must be nice to live in a simple world like that - and you don't care that it's illusory cos you don't comprehend that, do ya?

All part of the narcissistic personality. There's millions of you out there, all thinking you;re right and everyone else is wrong, and demonising those who threaten your status. Rational thinking says you can't all be right, but there you go...maybe you're THE ONE.

As for poor anonymous - you're a fool, mate. What else can I say?

Cookster said...

Do you weally, weally think I might be THE ONE?

Shit, thanks DOTS, you're ace!

Anonymous said...

And the winners are...

Cookie 2, Anonymous 1, DOTS 0.

Anonymous said...

True, nothing easier to make fun of, and money off of, than a confused and sexually deviant aberration!

Like shooting Lumberjack Lesbo Fish in a barrel. Stinky, in the bottom, probably bitchy.

I like this guy. He figured out what all real men have a long time ago. "God hates fags, and so does everyone else".

Too bad the fags don't get it.
They only whine about us normal people making fun of them.